is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
