Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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