I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
