belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
