worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
