This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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