I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
