you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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