Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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