Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
