i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
