I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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