yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
