Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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