I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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