I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
God, I missed his penis.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
