You're a womanizer and a bitch.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
