Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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