she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
