Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
