That's intense
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
