You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
