May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
