So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
