we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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