Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize