This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
