awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
