there's paper in my vomit.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
