But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
