i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
