Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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