My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
