best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
