He is an equal opportunity slut.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
