I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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