I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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