You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
