what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
