After last night, I could never be a politician.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
