ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
