I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
