I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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