"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
