I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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