so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
