i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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