I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
