i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
