So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
