someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize