i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
