Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
