we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
