So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How does one acquire holy water?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
