It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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