So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
