I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
