Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
