Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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