Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
