Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
