he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
