hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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