Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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