cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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