Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
